A Good Apology

Please Note: This live online conversation was recorded on our CIIS Public Programs YouTube Channel. It is also available on our podcast.

We've all done something wrong—made a mistake or insulted someone—even if by accident. We've all been hurt by someone and wanted that person to help us heal. It may be surprising, but the wrongs themselves aren't the real problem; our inability to fix them is what causes us trouble. 

Drawing on her decades of clinical experience with couples, and incorporating spiritual practices, social justice perspectives, current news stories, and neuro-scientific findings, Dr. Molly Howes has developed an unsparing, accessible and ultimately optimistic model for apologies. Dr. Howes teaches how we can all learn to craft an effective apology with four straightforward steps.  

Especially in this age of division and heated opposition, we need real solutions that help us reach across our differences and make things right. It’s hard for most of us to take responsibility for our mistakes and the hurt we’ve caused, both because of massive cultural roadblocks and due to blind spots, that result from how our brains work. For such a humble, personal action, a thorough apology is powerful, and anyone can learn to make one. In Dr. Howes latest book, A Good Apology: Four Steps to Make Things Right, she gives readers the tools to repair relationships, make amends, and move forward. 

Join Nikki Mirghafori, Artificial Intelligence scientist and a Buddhist teacher, for a conversation with Dr. Howes where they will talk about Molly's work, her latest book, and how we can all learn to craft an effective apology. 
 
Please note that this talk/conversation will be hosted live online and includes an audience Q&A. Instructions on how to join the conversation will be included in your event confirmation email. If you need additional assistance finding or joining the event, please email publicprograms@ciis.edu.

Molly Howes, PhD, is a Harvard-trained clinical psychologist and an award-winning writer. Following a Clinical Fellowship at Harvard Medical School, she completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology from Florida State University and a Postdoctoral Fellowship at Harvard Community Health Plan. Dr. Howes has contributed to research projects studying the interpersonal effects of depression, the impact of a parent's cancer on the child's psychological well-being, and the incidence and prevalence of mental health disorders in primary care practices and in larger, international populations. She is an author of several academic papers and presents at conferences for professional organizations such as the American Psychological Association. A MacDowell fellow, she has also been published in The New York Times Modern Love column, Best American Essays, NPR's Morning Edition, and elsewhere. For thirty-five years, she has maintained an independent psychotherapy practice in which she treats couples, as well as individual patients of all ages.  


Nikki Mirghafori, PhD, is an Artificial Intelligence scientist and a Buddhist teacher. Nikki is a lineage holder in the Theravada Buddhist tradition, as well as a Stanford-trained compassion cultivation instructor and a UCLA-trained mindfulness facilitator. Nikki has taught silent meditation retreats internationally on a variety of contemplative topics ranging from cultivating loving-kindness to mindfulness of death. She serves on the Teachers Council of the Insight Meditation Center and the Spirit Rock Meditation Center, where she also serves on the Board of Directors. In a parallel universe, Nikki has been a researcher and inventor in Artificial Intelligence, holding multiple patents. She has directed international research programs, mentored post-docs and PhD students, authored numerous scientific articles, taught graduate courses at UC Berkeley, and served a scientific advisor to Silicon Valley technology startups. To learn more about Nikki, click here.