Beloved Community Agreements

Beloved Community is an inclusive, interrelated consciousness based on love, justice, responsibility, shared power, and a deep respect for all people, places, and things that radically transforms individuals and restructures institutions.
Shirley Strong, Beloved Community Consultant

Mission: To create the conditions that support the CIIS community in times of conflict and rupture.

Vision: To have vibrant and courageous interactions with humility and respect that promote intellectual honesty and growth. 

For Beloved Community to be realized, it must be grounded in justice. Part of Martin Luther King’s lasting legacy was his vision for reconciliation and unity after conflict. He said, “The aftermath of nonviolence is the creation of beloved community, so when the battle is over, a new relationship comes into being...”

The Beloved Community Agreements are designed to cultivate a space to achieve this mission and vision, utilizing our core values:

1.  We recognize the humanity of others, including our opponents, and see the possibility for transformation in them.
2. We focus on transformation both for ourselves and for our communities, which requires reflection and action.
3. We encourage dynamic, respectful community-wide engagement.
4. We recognize the power of our stories, songs, and art to inspire and encourage us in moments of difficulty.
5. We commit to radical inclusiveness. We believe we must all have a seat at the table and be full participants. 

Use “I” Statements

At CIIS, everyone is welcome to share their personal experiences, opinions, thoughts, and feelings. However, it is important to avoid speaking for others. Everyone's experience is unique and will often be different from your own, so to avoid generalizing when speaking your mind, make sure you use “I”!

Research shows that I statements improve communication, increase empathy and cooperation, and enable conflict resolution.

Some examples:

• “What comes up for me when you say that...”
• “How I feel about…"
• “In my opinion…”
• “Can I reflect on something you said? Please correct me if I misinterpret anything you said/shared.”
• “I'd like to share my experience around this topic.”
• “I identify with what you said, but I also feel…”

Practice Sitting With Discomfort

It is important to always prioritize safety and well-being, however, just because something is uncomfortable does not mean it is harmful or unsafe. Discomfort is a normal part of life and can often serve as a learning experience or a bridge to a new way of looking at the world!

Comfort is the absence of challenge or tension—a state where we remain firmly within our habitual behaviors and established patterns.

Safety, on the other hand, is the foundation that enables risk-taking, vulnerability, and growth.  

It is important to distinguish between:

1. Productive discomfort: The natural tension that accompanies growth, innovation, and honest feedback
2. Genuine psychological danger: Environments where people are belittled, blamed, or punished for speaking up

Step Up, Step Back 

Stepping up means having the courage to be vulnerable and do what needs to be done, such as speaking your mind, sharing concerns, or advocating for what you believe in.

If you tend to be quieter in the classroom, workspace, or within your community, take a chance and step up!

Stepping back means providing the space for others willing and able to step up and not taking away their opportunity to grow and to shine.

If you frequently participate in the conversation, consider stepping back to let others have a voice.

Examples:

• Step Up: Raising a concern within your workplace that has not been addressed to advocate for yourself and your colleagues.
• Step Back: Stepping away from the class dialogue when you notice you've been dominating the conversation and encouraging those who haven't spoken to share their thoughts.

Notes:

We received feedback on the Beloved Community Agreement, “Step Up, Step Back", that it lacks inclusivity and has been discussed in wider disability justice circles as ableist language.

We take feedback seriously, and in the next iteration of the Beloved Community Agreements, we will consider more expansive and inclusive options, which will further exemplify what Beloved Community means within and beyond CIIS’s walls.

In light of this invaluable feedback, we have also expanded our Resource Center with information on disability justice and anti-ableism, including how to increase inclusive rhetoric in community spaces. 

Respectfully Disagree

It is always okay to respectfully disagree. Everyone has different opinions and viewpoints. Disagreement is completely normal and can often lead to some really productive and thought-provoking conversations. However, it's never okay to shame, blame, or attack others in the process, even if you strongly disagree with them.

When respectfully disagreeing, use "I' statements to avoid blaming, acknowledge the other person's viewpoint, use calm, reasonable language, and offer creative solutions and compromises, focusing on common ground and shared ideas.

Ways to Respectfully Disagree:

• “I hear what you’re saying, but I see it differently”
• “I don’t entirely agree, but I see where you’re coming from”
• “What if we approached it from a different angle?”
• “I agree with the general idea, but I do have some reservations about…”
• “I could be wrong, but my understanding is that…”

Call People In, Rather Than Out 

What is a call-in? A call-in is a call-out done with love and empathy.

Calling In refers to compassionately informing someone that what they’ve said or done is problematic, harmful, and not okay through private, productive conversation and dialogue.

Examples:

• “Can you say a bit more about what you mean by [insert statement, process, or word you want to understand]?”
• What type of impact do you think that comment might have had on others? 

Calling Out uses shame and attention to correct offensive comments, actions, or beliefs.

Example:

• “That word/comment is really triggering and offensive. Pick a different word here.”

Calling In was created by human-rights practitioners to challenge the toxicity of call-out culture while still recognizing and addressing when individuals or groups are experiencing harm, such as mistreatment, bias, or discrimination.

Explore more with Loretta Ross and her book Calling In via CIIS Public Programs podcast.

Be Conscious of Intention and Impact

Intent refers to the motives or reasons behind your actions and what you truly mean to do or say.

Impact concerns the actual effect that your word or action can have on others, regardless if you have the most genuine and noble intention behind it.

Even with the best intentions, your actions can sometimes miss the mark, leading to impacts you never saw coming.

It is important to take accountability when suffering is caused, even unintentionally, and initiate timely repair.

Tips:

1. Check assumptions: How did I make a negative impact? What specifically caused harm?
2. Acknowledge impact first and foremost by fully hearing out the person harmed
3. Resist justifying or making excuses
4. Take accountability
5. Acknowledge your own needs and your own process. Take a step back and revisit if needed.

Check Your Assumptions

Assumptions are a normal part of how our brains process new information; however, they are not always reliable and can be harmful if not kept in check. Before jumping to conclusions, ask questions.

An effective way of checking our personal assumptions is to do a quick thought experiment, which works like this:

For each person, organization, event, action, location, etc., in any scenario, pay attention to two things:

1. The information you have
2. The information you created based on your inferences and personal experiences

Ask yourself if you are basing your analysis purely on the information provided, or if you feel obligated to "fill in the blanks" of what was not provided in the information. If you choose to fill in the blanks, what is your process for doing so?

Play around with different possibilities for filling in the blanks and see if your analysis holds up. Does your analysis only make sense under a certain set of circumstances?

Source: Georgetown: Checking Your Assumptions

90 Day Assumption Challenge:

• Record your assumptions every day for 90 days. Jot down an assumption (or assertion) as it enters your mind or as soon as possible, including the date.
• After the first 30 days, review your notes and checkmark any assumptions proven true since you first made them. Place an X next to those that were false. If there is not enough information yet, leave it blank for now.

The goal is to learn more about yourself and who or what influences your assumptions and their impact. Give it a try! Shorter time frames are also okay and encouraged if 90 days is too much. 

Maintain Confidentiality

An important saying to go by is: What’s Said Here Stays Here; What’s Learned Here Leaves Here

A basic way to request respect and privacy of individuals within a group space while encouraging lifelong learning opportunities.

Before sharing anything you heard within the classroom, workspace, or community setting, ask yourself:

• Is this personal information shared in confidence?
• How would I feel if this were about me? Would I want this information shared and spread?
• Is this an overall lesson or message absent of personal details?
• Is this something I learned from a published work that has already been shared or is it private information?

Grow Together

A community is a group of people who agree to grow together.
Simon Sinek

It takes courage and commitment to build a beloved community. We are here to support and uplift one another through times of change and growth.

Explore tips and resources below on growing together and building a community, including how we have built our own Beloved Community here at the Division of Community Engagement and Belonging!

• Building a Community: Tips and Benefits
• Helping people grow together: When groups use the group to grow
• Explore Our Beloved Community Work Here